Saiyuki: Haunted
by Seraph Reload
Summary: Non yaoi. This story takes place after the "Even a Worm" manga arc. What would you do if your lost memories found you? T for language and violence. Please review.
1. Chapter 1

**Standard disclaimer applies.**

**Ratings: **Ratings will vary from one chapter to the other, so on the safe side, I'll keep it at **"T". T for language and violence. **

**Spoilers:** Some chapters will contain spoilers for the manga and/or anime. Be warned.

* * *

******  
**

** Chapter One**

The night was quiet. The only sounds you'd hear were those of the forest crawlers. He sat up, and his eyes surveyed their surroundings, before shifting to the night sky. Guessing it must be a couple of hours before dawn, he decided to just wait by the fire, or what's left of it, until his companions wake up.

Yawning, he searched through one of the bags to find himself an early breakfast. Pulling out a bag of pork meat-buns, he sat against a tree, and as usual, the contents were quickly devoured.

"Next time, we should get more meat buns" He said to himself as a yawn escaped. _Can't go to sleep, don't want to go to sleep._

The birds started chirping, and the night sky was slowly turning to a lighter color.

"Goku?"

He turned to him, "Mornin' Hakkai!" _Don't let them worry._

"Good Morning, Goku. You're up early, again," Hakkai said, not in the least surprised. After all, it's been almost a week now since their youngest last had a good night sleep. He'd stay awake all night, and then as soon as they hit the road, he'd fall asleep. If he was lucky, they'd make it through the day with out getting attacked. He hoped that today would be a lucky day.

"Goku, can you fill up everyone's canteens from the stream nearby?"

"Sure," Grabbing the said items, he ran off to complete his task.

With the sound of blankets being pulled, the healer turned to face another one of his companions waking up, "Ah, good morning Gojyo,"

"Man, when are we reaching the next town Hakkai, I miss sleeping on a bed! My back freakin' hurts!" Said kappa as he took the hot coffee cup given to him.

"Shut up, kappa!"

"Good morning, Sanzo." Hakkai greeted as he handed him his morning coffee.

"Why is Mr. worldly priest so cranky in the morning?"

_Thus, the morning begins_. Hakkai though to himself.

Before he can get a reply, he saw the priest look behind him. Turning around, "Damn, not again!" Gojyo cursed. The young boy was walking slowly towards them,

"Huh? What's wrong?" He asked innocently. He wasn't as energetic as before, and black circles were visible around his eyes from his lack of night sleep.

They all knew about it from the start. The first night it happened, they thought he had a bad dream or something, but then it happened the very next night, and now it's almost a week. He wasn't sleeping regularly, and this caused his fatigue.

"Nothin'" Gojyo turned around and helped Hakkai pack their sleeping bags, leaving his empty cup behind.

"What's wrong with Gojyo?" Goku turned to Sanzo.

_The question should be what's wrong with you, saru?_ Sanzo sipped his coffee, and ignored him.

At the other side of their camp, Hakuryuu has already transformed himself into a jeep, while Hakkai and Gojyo placed their belongings.

"What are we going to do about the saru?" Gojyo placed the last of their bags in.

"I told him that I have some herbs that would help him relax and sleep at night, but he refused them." Hakkai folded his arms across his chest, "Maybe it's time for Sanzo to ask him,"

"Last time I checked, he said he doesn't care,"

"But he can't keep going like this, his body will tire."

"Let's try and make to the next town, maybe things will get better then"

"I hope you're right"

Turning to the rest of their group, "Sanzo, Goku! We're ready to go."

They departed for their next destination.

----------------------

The road was easy to drive on, and the atmosphere inside the jeep, remained as quiet as the past few days. Gojyo in the backseat, smoking. Sanzo, staring at the road before them, and also smoking. Glancing through the mirror, he saw Goku, fighting to stay awake. His eyelids would slowly close, and then a few seconds would pass, before he'd force them open. They were…tired. Sighing.

"Goku, why don't you take a nap. We'll wake you as soon as we reach the next town" he suggested.

"N-No, I'm fine. I don't want to sleep." He said as he leaned against the jeep, and stared at the road.

Gojyo was officially bored. For almost a week, he hasn't heard the monkey whine for food, and he hasn't tried to pick a fight with him. Hell, he tried to annoy him, just to get some reaction out of him, still he was ignored! Damn it!

Sanzo glanced at the monkey from the side mirror, he drifted to sleep, even though he just told Hakkai, he didn't want to. _Bakazaru!_  
Even though, he enjoyed the peace and quiet for the past few days, he knew it will never sit with him that the saru isn't acting normal. And somehow, the drives were getting rather boring.

After a couple of hours, Hakkai decided they take a short stop. Before asking about him, Gojyo replied, "he's still asleep."

"I just hope we make to the next town before sunset, maybe he'll be able to sleep then."

"Sanzo? Has Goku told you anything?"

"Hell if I know,"

"Here's a suggestion, ASK HIM!" Gojyo almost yelled at the monk.

"He'll tell me, when he wants to tell me! I don't like getting into other peoples fucking problems!"

"Fine, if you won't ask, I will!" Gojyo said.

"Gojyo, I doubt he'll tell you anything," Hakkai said as he got ready to drive. "Shall we go?"

"Che" Sanzo grunted as he got into his side of the jeep.

"Stupid ass monk," Gojyo mumbled as he lit another Hi-lit.

Finally, as the sun was setting, the ikkou made it to the next town. Gojyo was happy to relieve the stress with a few drinks. While Hakkai shopped for supplies with Hakuryuu, Sanzo and Goku remained in their rooms.

Sanzo was reading through the headlines of the newspaper, and Goku was leaning on the table, arms crossed, as his head rested on them. He hasn't whined for food, and he was too quiet. "It's night again," he said in a whisper to himself, and although the priest heard it, he ignored it.

"Sanzo? Can I ask you something?" he spoke in a low voice. Unusual thing for such a noisy saru.

When a reply didn't come, Goku turned his head to the side. Sensing the change, Sanzo decided it was about time he solved his stupid sleep problem or Hakkai and Gojyo will annoy the shit out of him.

"You're gonna keep whining about it, what is it?" He asked without glancing away from the newspaper.

Surprised by the response, still, he wanted to ask, and he wanted an answer,

"Um…"he swallowed before continuing, "Sanzo, do you…do you still dream of the night your master was killed?"

* * *

_05.10.2007_


	2. Chapter 2

**Standard disclaimer applies.**

**Ratings: **Ratings will vary from one chapter to the other, so on the safe side, I'll keep it at **"T". T for language and violence. **

**Spoilers:** Some chapters will contain spoilers for the manga and/or anime. Be warned. **Gaiden Spoilers**.

Author's Note: Special thank you to my reviewers, and I hope you like this chapter. And thank for Oozaru Angel for pointing out the missing word in the first chapter, I've edited it.

* * *

******  
**

** Chapter Two  
**

Life has its way of making us forget sorrowful moments, but at the same time, before that memory completely fades away, it throws little pieces in our way to remind us, and to keep that memory a while longer.

Every time he forgets, or tries to forget, life wasn't fair to him, throwing bits and pieces here and there. The memory would never die, it lingers in the back of his brain, waiting for those little reminders to come out again. The rain served as the worst reminder of all. Always there.

When it rained, nightmares became his uninvited guests. Taking him back to that point in time where he lives the memory all over again. No matter how many times, it always hurt the same. His master's last words echoing in his head.

_"I leave the rest to you, Genjyo Sanzo" _

Years of meditating helped him gain a high level of self control, but any matter concerning the late Komyou Sanzo, still disturbed him. He held his composure as if still reading the paper, even though his hand slightly tightened their hold on the edges of the new paper, but after a few seconds, he managed to slowly release his grip. He turned another page, and took a drag from his cancer stick. He had to answer.

"It's none of you goddamn business, saru" _Why hell does the saru want to know?_

The few seconds after he asked, he had noticed the change in the priest even though it would be invisible to the normal eye, but not to his eyes. He had watched him almost every day since he freed him from his prison. He had watched how he dealt with different people from his early days in Changa'an, and through out their journey to the West. Every time, he watched how his fist would tighten and his knuckles would turn white when he was angry, sometimes when it rained, he noticed how his eyes were staring at the rain, while his thoughts were somewhere else. And on rare occasions, he would get a glimpse of a smile that quickly fades. And even now, when he asked him, despite his face hidden behind the newspaper, he sensed his uneasiness and the slight change of his hands as they held the newspaper for a second, before relaxing again.

_Maybe, I shouldn't have asked. _

"Sorry…it's just that…never mind" His eyes drifted to the rain that softly hit the window of their room. _It's gonna be another long night…_

Sensing the disturbance in their unusual link, Sanzo cursed inwardly again,

"Is that why you don't sleep," More of statement than a question, "Dreams will be dreams," he said before flipping the paper. Still, he can sense the dissatisfaction of his answer from the silent saru. He folded the paper, and before he can question any further.

"What if they're memories," golden eyes still looking at the soft droplets as they slid down their window, "I-I don't like them."

The soft trembling didn't go unnoticed by the priest. He knew he'd regret his next action,

"What do you see?" He saw Goku tense.

Although he was the one who wanted to ask, now, he hesitated but decided against it, _Sanzo will know what to do_,

"…Blood…lots of it, on my hands…on the walls…everywhere, and," he swallowed, then continued. "and whispers, they drive me crazy, because there isn't anyone but me!"

Sanzo saw his fist tighten, and he can bet that his nails were printing half-moons in his palms. Taking another drag of his cancer stick, "What do the whispers say?"

Lifting his head up and turning to face the priest, gold met violet, then decided to focus on the wooden table, "My name, and they say," closing his eyes for a second, before opening them slowly, "They say I'm a murderer, and other things, but" he never thought talking about it would be this difficult. _It was just a dream, right?_

"But?"

"Someone was calling me, telling me to wait, and then I'm back in the cave again," fists tightening until his knuckles turned white, "And it keeps happening, over and over again, it never ends!" he hit his fist on the table.

He was frustrated, and Sanzo has never seen him display such action, except when they were defeated the first time by Kami-sama, or so he was told by Gojyo. Goku was physically strong, but now, it seemed to him as if he was facing an enemy he can't touch, maybe.

"I don't-" Gojyo and Hakkai chose that moment to knock and come in. They quickly sensed the awkwardness in the atmosphere.

"We're back!" Placing their groceries on the floor by the door, he walked over to the table, "Oi, saru! This town has lots o'restaurants, let's go check'em out!" Gojyo's attempt to break the silence.

"Nah, I'm not hungry." Goku pushed his chair back, and walked outside the room.

A minute passed before Hakkai watched him leave the inn, through their window. "It's only getting worse," he petted Hakuryu as he rested around his shoulder, replied a soft 'kyu' as if agreeing.

"You're telling me! I'm going to grab him right now, and force him to eat! And then I'll ask him, th' hell's wrong with him!" Before he got a chance to turn the door knob,

"They're catching up," Sanzo said calmly as he released the smoke.

"What!?" Gojyo's hand slipped off the knob, as he turned to face the priest who remained seated.

"What do you mean Sanzo?" Hakkai was the first to ask.

"…His memories from the time before his imprisonment,"

"Isn't that supposed to be a good thing? He's getting his memories back?"

"Not really, Gojyo. If those memories were the events that led to his imprisonment, I'd doubt that he'd wanted to know about them." Hakkai walked away from the window.

"So…"

"It's not something we can help with, Gojyo"

"Maybe if we talk to him or something! I don't know!?" throwing his hands in the air in defeat.

"What if it were you…" Sanzo finally spoke, "would you have wanted to know?"

At that moment, they all silenced. For Gojyo, if he had a choice, he'd want to block it all out, the memory of his brother killing his mother just to save him. While Hakkai's thoughts drifted to Kannan, he remembered how he wished to die and for the memory to go away. As for Sanzo, he knew that no matter how he wanted to forget, how hard he tried, the rain was always there to remind him.

Life is always throwing little reminders here and there, and they know it. Goku never had to deal with such a thing as a memory, let alone a memory that caused him such punishment, and they were all wondering, if it came to that point, how will he deal with it?

"So, we just wait, and he'll solve it himself!?" Gojyo almost yelled at the monk.

"Any ideas, kappa?" he shot back, but met by silence, "thought so" he picked up his paper and went back to reading it.

"Stupid ass monk!" Gojyo cursed before slamming the door behind him.

"Stupid kappa needs to cool his head," commented Sanzo, flipping a page.

"But I do believe he's right, what if he can't solve it himself, we're talking about Goku here. Also," taking the seat that was previously occupied by Goku, "I can't help but sense that this could be a work of youkai or maybe…" he drifted into his own thoughts.

"Or they could be just memories that resurfaced, and he will soon forget about them." Sanzo said, or wished.

* * *

Outside the rain had stopped, and as Goku walked, he saw people setting up stalls, and merchants pulling carts. Goku decided to get lost in the crowd, maybe he'll forget about the memories that haunt him, if just for a little while, he wished for peace. There seemed to be some kind of festival, but with all the lights and the commotion, they never left him, lingering in the back of his mind. He chose to slip into an ally, leaning his back against the cold stone wall, he felt his legs weakening and he slid to the ground. Hugging his knees closer to him, he let his head rest on them. He closed his eyes. _Go away…please…please…_

_He had a dream a couple of nights ago, someone with long shiny hair was walking in front of him. He saw a younger version of himself, running behind him, trying to keep up with him. Little hands flying to catch that shiny hair, but always failing. He knew his name, he saw himself open his mouth, but nothing came out. No name. He knew he had a name, and he was supposed to know that name! Why can't he remember it? _

_He saw himself, finally catching up to him, finally holding a few strands of that golden shiny hair. Then, all hell broke loose. _

_Blood everywhere, on the walls, on the floor around him, on his hands…gold mixed with red. In front of him lay the person without a name. Motionless. A silent scream…it rained blood and tears. _

_Punishment. Someone whispered. And he was in the cave, inside his prison cage. He screamed and he cried for a very long time, he soon forgot why he was crying, why he was here, why it hurt to see the sun, and not touch it._

Goku felt a tear escape, he wanted to remember, and yet he wanted to forget.

* * *

_05.13.2007_

_edited 01.20.2008 _


	3. Chapter 3

**Standard disclaimer applies.**

**Ratings: **Ratings will vary from one chapter to the other, so on the safe side, I'll keep it at **"T". T for language and violence. **

**Spoilers:** Some chapters will contain spoilers for the manga and/or anime. Be warned. **Gaiden Spoilers.**

**Author's Note:**Special thank you to all my reviewers, and I hope you like this chapter. And special thanks to Oozaru Angel and Sarah for their helpful inputs, I'll edit 'Chapter Two' as soon as possible. Hope you like how this chapter turned out, and as always your reviews are helpful.**  
**

* * *

******  
**

** Chapter Three **

Memories of the past are part of our identity. They're not always the best of memories, there are sad ones, but there are also happy ones, and we have to live with them. We can't change the past, but we decide how to live our present and how we shape our future. No one has the right to take them away from you.

He believed that, or at least he thinks so. When he thinks about Goku, he still doesn't believe how memories from five hundred years were erased from his mind. Who would do such a thing to a child? Stripping their memories away from them and taking all that is good with it. Why couldn't they at least leave his happy memories? He must have some, right? What has he done to deserve such punishment?

Sometimes, he thinks that it's better not have memories of your past and is best locked away and forgotten, but, won't you always wonder what happened to them? Were they bad enough someone had to take them away, or were they good and someone wanted to punish you by taking it all? Shouldn't you make that decision? How can you live without knowing anything about your past and who you are? How does he do it? How can he live believing that he was locked up because of something he did, something he doesn't remember? How does someone do it? How does Goku do it?

A thought crossed his mind, if Goku's memories never left him, would he still be the same cheerful energetic kid they have known?, he doubted it.

Gojyo left the inn, and wandered in the streets as those thoughts started playing in his mind. "Damn it!" he cursed loudly, as a few heads turned to him. "I should be looking for Goku," he said to himself and kept on walking. If Sanzo and Hakkai weren't going to do a damn thing, then he might as well try and knock some sense into the saru himself.

"Damn!" he cursed again as he realized that searching for Goku is going to be a difficult task as he stood before the crowded street where the festival is taking place. He tried to spot him in the midst of the crowds although it was pointless, it was a try.

He was frustrated after what Sanzo said, he knew the monk was right, and he hated him for it. He took out his Hi-lite pack, and placed one between his lips. He lit it, took a long drag, and let it out. "This is going to be like searching for a needle in a haystack" he entered the crowded street, and his eyes started scanning their surroundings. He also started asking around, and maybe he'd be lucky and someone would've seen him.

"Hey lady, have you seen a kid, about this tall and has brown hair, wearing a cape, he looks about seventeen" he described him for an old woman.

"I can't say I have, but it's going to be hard searching for him, the festival is full of kids his age." She walked past him.

Again, he asked over a dozen of people, no one saw him, as he was about to turn around, someone in a cape bumped into his shoulder, and he heard him whisper, "Find him, before it's too late."

"Th' hell!" He turned around, but the man in the cape was gone, he might've disappeared in the crowd. Now, Gojyo _had_ to find him.

"Goku!" He shouted his name out loud, "Goku where are you?" he didn't care about the stares he was getting from people, finding Goku was more important.

Running between stands and pushing his way between people, "Stupid monkey! Where the hell are you?" _I ain't givin' up! _

He was running and already out of breath, he decided to take a break, and placed his hand against the brick wall of a building to catch his breath, and that's when he saw something glinting in a dim alley to his right. _Gold._

He stood straight, and slowly walked towards it. In front of him, was a scene he never expected to see.

"Go…"

Goku was on the ground, on his hands and knees. There was blood around him, and even the wall had its share. His heart sunk at the scene. Goku was hurt badly, and he was bleeding.

"Sorry! I'm so sorry!" Goku was repeating those words over and over again. Gojyo guessed that he must've been like this for a while, because his voice came out in hoarse whispers, and he was crying, tears running down his face. He wasn't trying to hide it either. To Gojyo, it seemed like his mind wasn't here at all. Goku wasn't aware of anything.

Kneeling next to the kid, he put a hand over his shaking back. "Goku," he said in a soft tone, as it seemed to him that saying it louder would somehow break him.

The kid quickly turned to him, "Tell them I'm sorry!"

"Goku, what-" he didn't know what do, as blood stained hand held on tightly to his jacket, and seemed to him that he was too scared to let go. He had no idea how to calm him, if it were Sanzo or Hakkai, maybe they'd know the right words to say, but not him.

"Please, ni-chan, tell them," Gojyo was surprised, Goku, has never in his life called him _ni-chan_. This triggered his own memories to flow back. It's time he played big brother for the saru.

"Goku, you have to tell me, who did this to you?" He tried to sound as calm as possible, but that was futile now, he was almost yelling. Goku was strong, how did he get attacked, and inside a crowded city no less.

"I'm sorry, please tell them I'm sorry!" He cried again, and Gojyo can see his hold tighten and his knuckles turn white.

Gojyo grabbed his shoulders and pushed away to take a good look at his face, and maybe try to understand something, anything!

"Goku, listen to me, I want you to calm down!" He tried to remain calm himself, but still unsuccessful.

"I'm…" The next words failed to come out of his mouth. Gojyo noticed the sobbing slow, and as he looked at his face, golden eyes rolled back, and he fell unconscious, but not before whispering, "I'm tired…"

"Oi! Goku! Wake up, dammit!" Gojyo held onto him as the kid's own hold loosened and his head fell against his chest. "Goku?" without waiting for a response, he carried him, and ran back to the inn.

* * *

Hakkai was feeding Hakuryuu, and Sanzo was reading the paper, when they heard Gojyo yelling their names, and running footsteps approaching their door. The door was kicked open, and in Gojyo's arms, lay a bloody and unconscious Goku. 

"Hakkai!" Was all what Gojyo needed to say, before the healer knew what he had to do. He laid the boy on the bed, and Hakkai started the healing process.

"What the hell happened?" Sanzo was standing next to Hakkai, and his eyes couldn't believe the state his charge was in.

"How the hell should I know!?" Gojyo yelled back.

"You were following him stupid kappa, weren't you?"

"When I finally found him, he was like this! And…"

He didn't know how to tell them, or _if_ to tell them.

"Gojyo?" That was Hakkai.

Hell, he had to.

"When I found him, he was saying '_sorry_' over and over again, and when I called his name, he asked me to tell _them_ that he's sorry" dropping himself on the other bed.

"_Them?_" Sanzo asked.

"How the hell should I know!? Maybe someone from his memories or somethin'!" Gojyo stated.

"Maybe someone from his past? Is it even possible?" Hakkai asked as he continued healing Goku.

"Who'd live for five-hundred years? Maybe he's mixing his dreams with reality," Sanzo explained, his eyes never leaving his charge.

"So who's the one responsible for the mess he's in, genius?" Gojyo waited for the answer.

"Youkai." Simple as that, the answer came.

"I doubt it," Gojyo said as he stood up again, "When I was searching for him, someone was saying that I have to find him before it's too late, whoever the hell that was, I couldn't sense any youkai aura from him, he was definitely human, he disappeared and I lost sight of him."

"So someone is after him, and it's not a youkai. He must be the reason Goku is having glimpses from his past, he must be trying to break him, but why Goku? He hasn't hurt anyone before, unless, it was something he did in his past, and this is…" Hakkai gave it a thought before saying it, "revenge?"

The room became silent.

* * *

_05.13.2007_

_Edited 01.27.2008_


	4. Chapter 4

**Standard disclaimer applies.**

**Ratings: **Ratings will vary from one chapter to the other, so on the safe side, I'll keep it at **"T". T for language and violence. **

**Spoilers:** Some chapters will contain spoilers for the manga and/or anime. Be warned. **Gaiden Spoilers.**

**Author's Note:** Special thank you to all my reviewers. I'll try my best to make this fic better. I'm working on a Saiyuki AU called Distant World, I'll try my best to post it soon.

* * *

******  
**

** Chapter Four **

Children are innocent and fragile, whether they're human or youkai, even heretics. No one has the right to hurt them, and no one has the right to take away their happiness. Every time he sees him hurt, he curses himself for his helplessness. And every time he risks his life to save him, he is always amazed by his never wavering devotion. Ever since the day he found him, the child refused to let him out of his sight. Which he thought was ridiculous, because if he let the monkey out of his sight _he_ will have one serious headache. He doesn't know how or why they share such a unique bond.

It was that constant calling that led him to a place he never thought existed. A cave on Mt. Gogyo, where a child was kept prisoner. A golden eyed child chained to a prison on a mountain where no human dares to climb. He will never forget the day he came to face the source of his headache.

He never thought he'd be his responsibility, until more was revealed to him about the Seiten Taise by the Three Aspects, and his own encounter with the Sage that same night. After the night, he knew he will be stuck with the kid for a while. And that while turned to years.

In those years, there were times when a few words would bounce through the special link, and he'd try to ignore them. However, a certain phrase never left him, 'Sanzo's like the Sun'. He never understood his undying love for the Sun, was it because it was the only thing he can see from such a place, or was it its warmth and shine? Even though he was never able to come close to it, nor touch it, he still loved the Sun, he doesn't think he'll ever understand why.

* * *

He felt warm, and relaxed. It was like sleeping under the sun. Slowly he opened his eyes. He can see the sun from the window that was across where he lay. The curtains were pulled, and it felt…peaceful. He wanted to remain like this. _But…_quickly trying to sit up, he felt dizziness crept over him, _I was asleep?_ A thought filled with fear.

"Why the rush?" he heard the sound of turning paper, and he can smell the smoke.

Sanzo was sitting on the far corner of the room, he slowly removed his reading glasses, and turned to look at him.

"Why?" finally finding his voice.

"Why what?" he pulled a new cigarette from his Marlboro Red pack.

"Why did you let me sleep! After all I've told you! You should've woken me up!" It was rare that you'd find Goku yelling at his Sun, still,

"Shut up, stupid monkey!" the famous Sanzo fan finally made its appearance in a very long time.

"Ow! Why'd you do that for!?" Placing his hands over his head.

"I told you before and I'll tell you again, dreams will be dreams, Goku" he said calmly as he sat down, and lit his cancer stick.

As he waited for this to sink in, he saw his charge's eyes cast down and filled with uncertainty, and fear. Sanzo waited for him to say something, he knew he'd say something, this was Goku after all, and he'd always say what's on his mind.

"I felt it," placing a hand on his heart, "it was so real, I was running after him, and then I-" his tightened his fist around the blanket. Eyes shut trying to block the memory, "I killed him," he said in a whisper and wept inwardly, "They punished me because I killed him…"

"But how can I kill my sun!" he yelled in despair.

Sanzo stared at him as the final words came out of him, "What did you say…?"

Goku stared at him, tears dwelled up in his eyes, "What…?" His hands rose to his head, "I don't know, what did I just say? Sanzo, what's wrong with me!?"

Sanzo watched the boy back himself against the bed board and leaning his head against his knees, "Sanzo, I'm scared, I'm really, really scared" he said in a muffled voice.

Sensing the unusual disturbance in their link, Sanzo decided to comfort him. He wasn't the best talker like Hakkai, and he doesn't joke around with some ass remarks like Gojyo does. Hell, he placed a hand over his head, "I'm here, stupid monkey."

He heard a mumbled _"Thank you"_

* * *

Late afternoon found Gojyo and Hakkai leaning against a small wooden bridge in the middle of the town. Gojyo got out his Hi-lit pack, and placed a cancer stick between his lips. It was a couple of hours before sunset.

"We couldn't find anything, hell, we don't even know what we're looking for!" He ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

"We weren't able to sense any youkai," Hakkai said calmly.

"It can't be human! Can it?" The lighter froze in midair as he awaited the reply.

"I'm not sure, but we've never encountered any humans with special powers. So it might be a youkai that succeeded in masking his aura."

"That must be one fucking smart youkai"

"I just hope this doesn't affect Goku much,"

When no more words were exchanged they decided to head back to the inn. The only thing they decided on silently is to never leave Goku alone, until they sort this mess they're in.

As they entered the room, Sanzo was sitting at the table, and across him, Goku was picking on his food. Not eating, his chop sticks would pick at the rice pices, make a line, and just repeat it.

"Stop playing with your food," And the fan hit him over the head.

"I told ya! I'm not hungry!" a sentence no one thought would hear coming out of Goku's mouth.

"As soon as we get on the road, you're gonna start whining about food!" Gojyo joined in.

"And the next village is three or four days away, Goku" Hakkai provided.

They all knew for a fact that they won't be able to leave town as easily, not with their enemy still unknown.

"When are we leaving?" Golden eyes turned to Hakkai.

"Tomorrow, maybe the day after." Hakkai replied as he petted Hakuryuu.

"It's none of your business, just eat your food!" Gojyo repeated.

After a couple of seconds, "Fine," he began to slowly eat.

* * *

Later in the evening, Hakkai suggested their sleeping arrangements. Sanzo was sharing one room with Goku, while Hakkai and Gojyo shared the other.

It was a little after midnight when Sanzo woke up. The room was dark, but he can still make the figure of Goku, sitting up on his bed.

"Why are you still awake, monkey?" He said.

"Sorry,"

"What are you apologizing for?"

"For…bothering you and all,"

"Shut up, and go the hell to sleep,"

"But what if-"

"I'll wake you up when you call me,"

"…okay," with that said, he leaned back on the bed, and pulled the blanket up to his neck.

It was a couple of hours before sunrise, Sanzo was sleeping, when an inane monkey started calling him. Disturbed from his sleep, he opened his eyes, and waited for a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the darkness.

And when they did, he saw his charge struggling with his blanket tangled around him, "Stupid monkey," he said to himself as he stood up and walked away from the comforts of his bed to shut him up. "Hey,"

He was mumbling things incoherently, and Sanzo wasn't able to make out anything he was saying. "Hey!" This time he gave him a slight shake.

* * *

_He was walking down a long corridor, and someone was holding his hand, he was scared, but he didn't tell him. There were two others, but he can't remember their names, they were walking ahead of them, weapons in hand, and ready to strike. Smears of blood decorated the white walls, and bodies lingered wherever they intercepted them. They moved without a sound, he was scared, but at the same time, he felt safe and warm because his sun was there, holding his hand. The two walking ahead of them, turned to say something, but he can't make out any words. He listened. Only silence. They slowly faded, the scene around him melted away, and he was alone again. Alone in his prison. Don't leave me! He cried, but no words came out, he called over and over again, no voice, only a silent scream that no one can hear._

_He heard someone calling his name…_

* * *

Sanzo was now shaking him roughly, "Hey, Goku! Wake up!" the quicker he wakes up, the sooner he goes back to his bed. Finally, Goku opened his eyes, and sat up startled, "Finally!"

Rubbing his eyes, "Huh? Who're you?"

* * *

_05.15.2007_

_Edited 03.08.2008_


	5. Chapter 5

**Standard disclaimer applies.**

**Ratings: **Ratings will vary from one chapter to the other, so on the safe side, I'll keep it at **"T". T for language and violence. **

**Spoilers:** Some chapters will contain spoilers for the manga and/or anime. Be warned. **Gaiden Spoilers.**

**Author's Note:** This chapter was almost done when I updated Chapter 4. As always special thank you to all my reviewers and readears. Your comments are always helpful, thank you!

* * *

** Chapter Five **

Dreams. When we sleep, we enter that mysterious world of dreams. Sometimes, dreams tell us of a past known, or a future that is hidden. Sometimes, we wake up feeling happy, we know we had a dream, even though our memories of that joyful dream has faded. However, when dreams enter the dark territories, they transform to become nightmares. And just like a dream, we would wake up, feeling fear, yet we can't recall the memory of that nightmare.

Your dreams belong to you, and there is no one with the power to enter them. They are your dreams, and your nightmares. We face them alone, and we fight the fear alone. Sometimes, I wish I can see his dreams, and his nightmares, I wish I can make them disappear.

"I said I don't remember!" The monkey said as he threw his hands in the air in defiance.

"Shut up, stupid monkey! I know what I heard!" Another hit with fan for raising his voice.

"Ow!"

"I want you to tell me what you exactly dreamed of?" He sat back down, but violet eyes remained on his charge.

"…Well…I don't remember all of it…but, I was little and someone was holding my hand, we were walking between dead bodies, and there was blood everywhere…that's all I remember, I swear!" Quickly placing his arms over his head protectively.

Sanzo was pissed, someone was messing with his charge's memory, and somehow uncovering pieces of his past. A past that is oblivious to all of them. Who are they? And what's they're purpose?

He guessed that the dreams could hold some kind of clue, and so far, nothing turned up.

"Fine." Walking back to his bed, he closed his eyes and hoped to get some sleep in the remaining hours of the night, "go back to sleep."

"Okay…'night Sanzo..." although he said that, his eyes remained glued to the moon outside his window, he was still afraid to sleep.

_…m…w……t……g_

* * *

The next morning came too quick for Sanzo, he barely had any shut eye. They all met at the breakfast table, Hakkai was surprised that not only was Goku tired, but it seemed that Sanzo didn't sleep very well last night either. 

Goku was leaning forward on the table, his head rested on his arms. Trying his best to stay awake, but by the time Gojyo showed up, he has already fallen asleep.

"So, I'm guessing last night didn't go as well either?"

"Isn't it something obvious, even for a kappa" Sanzo's comment.

"Hey! Wanna start something you fucked up monk?"

"Now, now, the day is just starting," Hakkai tried calming the situation.

"Shut up or die, Ero-kappa!" the gun aimed at him.

"He's just as worried as us, Sanzo"

"I'm going to sleep, unless you want to be dead, don't dare wake me," standing up and walking away from the group back to his room.

"Sanzo looks tired, Goku must have kept him awake last night," Hakkai guessed.

"You don't say, I thought he was born so fucking pissed off!" Gojyo sat across the sleeping monkey, "and what about him?" nodding toward Goku.

"If we wake him up to go to his room, he'll definitely refuse, so just leave him be,"

"It's really getting' kinda borin', Hakkai," he folded his arms at the back of his head.

The brunet pushed back his chair, and turned to leave, "I'll be taking another look around the town, so please watch over Goku"

"Yeah, yeah, it's time to baby sit the monkey," he relaxed in his chair, and his thoughts drifted to when everything was alright.

* * *

Hakkai was out for almost an hour, walking around the town, looking for anything or anyone. It wasn't easy, especially if you don't know who you're looking for, or in their case, what. He was almost at the inn, when he noticed Goku leaving the inn, and walking away. 

"Goku!" He called after him, but the young brunet didn't turn, or show any sign that he heard him. Hakkai followed after him only to be surrounded by the crowd of the morning market. He thought he lost him, when suddenly he saw him enter into an alley. Following after him, he found nothing but a dead end. That's when his mind told him to hurry back to the inn, whoever it was that showed him that illusion, wanted to drive him away from there, and possibly from Goku.

* * *

Gojyo was smoking his ith cigarette for all he cared. He was bored and with nothing to do except watch Goku sleep. His eyes would switch to the guests who would come in, eat, and leave, or those who went up to their rooms. That's when he saw him, the man wearing the cape. His jaw dropped, it was definitely him! 

Without much thinking, he ran after him as he left the inn, when he was outside, he scanned his surroundings, and found him walking with a faster pace toward the waterways. _I'm gonna beat the fuckin' crap out of him!_

* * *

Goku heard a soft whisper that slowly brought him back to world of consciousness, he opened his eyes quickly as he realized he had fallen asleep, again. Lifting his head up, he saw someone sitting across him, he couldn't see his face, because the hood was drawn low to cover most of his features, except his thin smirk. Goku didn't feel anything strange from him, but somehow, he didn't like being close to him. Rubbing his sleepy eyes, he murmured an apology, and stood up to go searching for his friends, but before he can get another step, he heard the man speak in a whisper, but loud enough for him to hear, and understand, 

"Don't you want to know?"

"Huh? Know what?" he turned around.

"About your past" The man remained seated, and replied without turning around in his chair.

"What the hell are you talkin' about?" Restless, and too tired to comprehend.

"Want me to show you more?" He tried to grab his attention.

"What the hell are you sayin'!? I gotta go!"

"You killed them, and Mt. Gogyo was the punishment for your crime" He stated simply.

Just then, memories of that night in the alley came flooding back into him, that man attacked him, and he said that line before. That's all he could remember.

"You're…I gotta go!" he didn't want to be near him, as he was about to take another step, the world around him faded into black. Only he and the mysterious man remain.

"You killed many of us, and even though you were found guilty, you still live. I still don't understand."

"I said I don't know what you're talkin' about!" fear was creeping into his heart and mind.

"Let me show you…"

* * *

Sanzo was awoken by the sudden knocks on the door. "Priest Sanzo! Please!" A female voice pleaded outside his door. 

"Damn it, what is it now?" he said to himself as he sat up, and walked to open the door. He saw the inn keeper's wife.

"P-Priest Sanzo, I apologize for interrupting your peace, but it's one of your companions," Fear and panic in her eyes.

"What is it?"

"It-it's the little one, he's suddenly started screaming and yelling, we don't know what happened, he was sleeping and then-"

Not wanting, nor waiting for an explanation, he passed her and ran down the stairs. When he reached the little restaurant, he found Goku backed to the wall, eyes shut and hands over his ears, he was whispering something. Pushing the people away, he walked to the far end of the restaurant and the middle of chaos. Tables were flipped to the side, chairs thrown across the wall, and shattered pieces of wood and glass surrounded him.

"Goku!"

No reply came, and he slid down the wall, and into a sitting position, and Sanzo kneeled next to him.

"Disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear," He kept repeating the words over and over, without any acknowledgment of his surroundings.

"Damn!" He cursed, Hakkai and Gojyo were supposed to watch him, where the fuck were they!?

He tried to pry his hands off his ears, and get him to listen. But Goku's hands wouldn't let go.

"You idiot monkey! I said let go!" trying again, still no reaction. _What the hell did they do to you…?_

Turning to the crowd, "I want everyone out of here!" As soon as he yelled the order, the people had scrambled out of his sight.

"Sa-Sa-Sanzo?" His attention was pulled again to the monkey, who remained in the same position, "A-Are you…here?"

"If you'd just open your eyes, you'd know, stupid monkey"

"Sa-Sanzo? Where'd ya go?" Without answering him, Sanzo pulled away Goku's hands, and his eyes slowly opened, "You're here…"

"Of course I am, now what the hell happened?" trying not to yell, "And where are Hakkai and the ero-kappa?" He said standing up, and pulling his charge to his feet.

Sanzo walked ahead of him to the door, _where the hell are those two, and why did they leave Goku alone!?_

When footsteps didn't follow, he turned around, and was struck by the sour look on the monkey's face. "What is it?"

"Sanzo…" Golden met violet, "maybe it's better if I go back to Mt. Gogyo."

* * *

_05.31.2007_

_Edited 03.12.2008_


	6. Chapter 6

**Standard disclaimer applies.**

**Ratings: **Ratings will vary from one chapter to the other, so on the safe side, I'll keep it at **"T". T for language and violence. **

**Spoilers:** Some chapters will contain spoilers for the manga and/or anime. Be warned. **Gaiden Spoilers.**

**Author's Note:** Thank you to all my reviewers/ readers. I hope you like this chapter,as always, your reviews/ comments are appreciated. Thank you!

* * *

**Chapter Six**

In his young days, he was always the little one, the younger brother. His older sibling was his care taker, always looking after him, protecting him, and watching over him. However, things didn't last, and because of an unfortunate incident, they became separated. Gone were the days when someone took care of him, and came the days he had to learn to look out for himself, if he wanted to stay alive.

Then came the quest to the West from the Gods, and he became stuck with three people, each is weird, perhaps, in his own way. Hakkai, their mother hen, always making sure everyone is okay. There is also Sanzo with his 'holier than thou' attitude, regardless, they all know his responsibility toward their youngest companion, Goku, their 'little brother', with unbelievably crazy strength of a God, and no past to explain his existence nor power.

Ever since he became part of the ikkou, there was this special bond he shared with each of them, with Goku, that was the same relation he had with his older sibling, an older brother. He learned to play with him, wrestle with him, fight for food even though he's not hungry, and even piss off Sanzo just to get a random reaction from the priest.

Despite the five hundred years Goku lived, to Gojyo and everyone else, he is still a kid, and this journey to the West is even harder on him than anyone else, the youkai they killed, the struggle to stay alive, the episodes they went through, everything, whether it was big or small, had an effect on him. Gojyo tries to ease his heart with a few jokes that piss off Sanzo, and he'd be back to his regular self again. He's not Sanzo, but he's the big brother. Everything is going to be okay again, and Gojyo will make sure it does, and remains that way.

Gojyo was running after him, and in the end he finally caught up with him. The caped man had his back to him, as he stood watching the river below. The bridge was only half complete, and where they were, no one was allowed. In fact, no one was around. Summoning the Shakujo, he took a step forward.

"Interesting creature, isn't he?" The man spoke in a calm and low voice.

"Stop messing around with him!"

"I'm only helping him," Turning around to face Gojyo.

"You're so called help isn't needed!"

"But, don't you want him to remember? And here I thought you were his friends!" Acting surprised.

"Shut the fuck up! Whatever Goku has done in the past, will stay there, and we don't give a damn about it!" Tightening his grip around his weapon.

"That is unfortunate, really, because I intend to _break_ him." An evil grin spread on his face and that made Gojyo feel uneasy.

With that, Gojyo launched the Shakujo at his enemy, but it went right through him, "An illusion?"

"Weren't you supposed to watch him?" The voice echoed.

"What-?" Without any more words spoken, Gojyo ran back to the inn, cursing all the way at his stupidity, and wishing for one thing, Goku is safe.

* * *

When Hakkai reached the inn after spending nearly a half hour trying to figure out the way back, the inn keeper told him that his companions were at their rooms. Quickly running up the stairs, he can hear the loud yelling as he came closer to their room, when he opened the door, he saw Sanzo and Gojyo yelling at the top of their lungs at each other. Goku was sitting at the edge of the bed, eyes flying between the blond and the red head.

"I though I was clear when I said to keep an eye on him!"

"I let him go once, and I wasn't about to let him escape me again!"

"But you didn't catch him did you? You erro kappa!"

"Sorry for disturbing your holy-ass sleep!"

"Sanzo? Gojyo? What is going on?" The voice of reason has finally appeared.

"And where the hell were you?" Sanzo turned to him, ready to spill his frustration on the healer.

"I was surveying the town, and I was on my way back when I saw Goku leave, and followed him. Of course, that turned out to be an illusion, and I was stuck in it just until a few minutes ago. But what happened here?" He folded his arms.

After a brief explanation from Sanzo, and Gojyo's little information about their enemy, Hakkai began to think of how they can draw their enemy out, and protect Goku. But something didn't sit right with him, it was Goku's silence, and his presence seemed distant, and it seemed to him, that he was slowly being pulled further and further away from them. Gone was the noisy, whiny and energetic little kid, now he seemed like a broken puppet.

"Goku? Is everything alright? You're not hurt are you?" trying to pull an answer from the silent boy.

"I'm fine," came the reply in a soft whisper. _I……wa…ing_

Golden eyes widening, he quickly turned to the window behind him, his reflection stared back. He heard it, someone was trying to say something to him, be no matter how hard he tries, he can only catch meaningless letters. _Who is it? What is he trying to tell him?_

His sudden movement didn't go unnoticed by the other three, but they didn't make any big deal, as if not to worry him, and pretended otherwise. When he turned back to them, he noticed Hakkai saying something about food.

"I'll see if they can bring our lunch here," He said as he exited the room.

"Hey Goku, wanna play?" Sitting down at the table, and shuffling cards.

"I'm tired, I just wanna rest for a while" He walked to his bed.

"Now? But the sun's still up!" That earned him a glare from the priest.

"Fine, but when you wake up, we're gonna play!" he understood what Sanzo meant.

* * *

It was a little after dusk when Goku finally woke up. His body felt rested and he was glad he didn't have any nightmares or memories. He saw Sanzo sitting at the table, drinking his tea.

"About time,"

"Where're Gojyo and Hakkai?"

"Gojyo went to get you something to eat, Hakkai is with Hakuryuu"

"Oh," he swung his legs to the side of the bed, and walked to sit across the priest, who continued reading the headlines of the paper.

"I'm assuming you didn't have any dreams," removing his reading glasses.

"Nothing, I didn't dream of anything," crossed his arms and leaned forward on the table.

"It's probably because you've been exhausted"

"Yeah, maybe" he shrugged.

It was another five silent minutes before Gojyo came back with Goku's meal. Hakkai, came in later with Hakuryuu.

Goku didn't have any craving for the food which was placed in front of him, yet he ate a little to ease their worries for him.

After dinner, Hakkai and Gojyo played a game of cards, while Sanzo continued to read the paper, and drink his tea.

They were pretending. Acting as if they weren't concerned, and what they're doing is normal. But in reality, they we prepared to protect Goku if the caped man ever shows up again.

At midnight, Goku has already fallen asleep on his bed, probably out of boredom. Hakkai and Gojyo retreated to their room, and Sanzo went to sleep himself.

* * *

_I…wa…ti.._

Golden eyes forced open by the whisper. He had a dream, it was that man again, he couldn't remember his face, but he can still hear the incoherent words spoken to him, and trying to make sense out of them. Getting out of bed, he waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, before slowly walking outside the room, and making his way to the street.

_What are you trying to tell me?_ Was the only thought on his mind, and he let his feet carry him to the unknown destination.

_I'm …aiting…_

After walking around aimlessly, his bare feet on the cold ground were aching. That's when he saw a figure standing in the middle of the deserted town square.

"Welcome, heretic"

A shiver rand down his spine, as the words escaped the shadowy figure into the silent night air.

* * *

Sanzo woke up, sensing something was off. The monkey was quiet, too quiet. He was forced out of the comforts of his bed for the second night in a row to check on him. That's when he realized, he has disappeared, either that, or their enemy managed to kidnap him right under their noses!

Cursing, he ran to Hakkai and Gojyo's room, "Hey! Wake up, Goku's gone!"

Without waiting for them he grabbed his Smith and Wesson, and followed the monkey's voice. Cursing all the way.

He knew where to find him, for some unknown reason, the monkey's voice was like a compass in his head, of course, a compass that always points to him.

He finally saw him, he was still in his night wear. Standing only a feet across him, was a caped man. Sanzo guessed that he must be the one Gojyo talked about.

He was leaning forward, and whispering something in Goku's ears.

"The hell do you think you're doing?" he pointed his gun at him.

The caped man removed the hood to reveal himself. A dark haired average human, with a sick smile. Sanzo was still unaware of how this human can inflict that much damage to his charge.

"Get away from him!" Was his next choice of words.

Goku slowly turned to face him. And Sanzo was struck by the lifeless look in his golden eyes.

"He's waiting" taking slow steps and walking, he passed Sanzo, and kept on walking. "He's waiting, he's finally here"

"The hell you did to him!" Not taking his eyes of their enemy, and cursing silently, _Where are they?_

"Oi! Goku! Listen to me, damn it!" he can hear Gojyo's yelling behind him. He was relieved that he caught up with Goku.

"The person whom he cherishes has finally come to release him" The man spoke.

"You're the freak who told him to go to Mt. Gogyo, weren't you? How do you know about Goku?" Sanzo still held his aim.

"Well, that is along story, but to make it short, the seiten taisie has made an enemy of Heaven after he committed his crime, and I'm here to deliver, on behalf of those who were killed"

"Haven't you done enough already? Erasing his memories and locking him five hundred years wasn't enough for you?"

"Only death can satisfy me, as for breaking his soul, that's merely for my own pleasure"

"You fucking sick bastard!" A shot rang out in the square, but unfortunately for Sanzo, his target was fast.

A sick laugh echoed, "If it weren't for him, I would've remained in Heaven, and not be reincarnated as a weak mortal!"

Sanzo turned around, to see Hakkai trying to talk some sense into Goku. The latter only repeated his words, "He's waiting for me, I have to go…"

When he looked at him, he was like the walking dead. Lifeless eyes, and repeating the words like a puppet. If it weren't for Gojyo's hold on him, he could've kept on walking.

"Goku, where are you going?" Hakkai asked calmly.

"Mt. Gogyo, he's waiting,"

"Why?"

"He's finally here, like he promised,"

"Who's _he_ Goku? Who's _waiting_?"

With that final question, life appeared in the golden eyes. He blinked twice, before realization hit him. Looking around, and then at their faces, as if searching for someone. _His name, what was his name._

"I…don't know! I can't remember!" falling in despair to the cold ground beneath him, tears escaped. Fists hitting the ground in defeat, "Why?" The sky was also crying.

* * *

_06.06.2007_

_Edited 30.04.2008_


	7. Chapter 7

**Standard disclaimer applies.**

**Ratings: **Ratings will vary from one chapter to the other, so on the safe side, I'll keep it at **"T". T for language and violence. **

**Spoilers:** Some chapters will contain spoilers for the manga and/or anime. Be warned. **Gaiden Spoilers.**

**Author's Note: **I apologize for the late update, the next chapter update will be in a couple of weeks, hopefully. Thank you to all my readers and reviews. Comments and reviews are always appreciated. **  
**

* * *

**  
Chapter Seven **

In his short life as a human, there were but a few things he cherished, the love he shared with her, and his love for the young children he taught. Every morning he wakes up, he looks forward to her smiling face, and the joy of the young kids as they gather around him as soon as he passes the school gates. The days were slow and full of laughter, hopes, and dreams. However, those days are long gone. His nightmare started, and he couldn't wake up. The memories of that day, and those that followed are still vivid and they refuse to disappear nor fade away. Now as he stands here, he remembers her, and he remembers them.

But if it weren't for his unusual companions, he'd be still trapped in that nightmare, only sinking deeper and deeper into oblivion. For that, he is grateful, and for her, he keeps on living, and for the little ones, he's always smiling.

As he stands here, he watches Gojyo kick the wooden door, and try to turn the knob and open it, but that seems futile because Goku has locked himself in. He can hear Goku's shouts to leave him alone, but he can also hear the whispers of loneliness and guilt hanging onto every word, perhaps every letter. As he watches the failed attempts of the red head, he feels powerless as he can't repair what has happened. He fails to find the soothing words, or perhaps, no words will be able to reach him. He maybe a healer of physical wounds, but during this journey, there wasn't a moment he wished to be a healer of the heart and soul than this moment.

"Gojyo, there are other guests, and the sun isn't out yet, so please refrain from making so much noise" he folded his arms, and a sigh escaped.

"Open the damn door!" Gojyo banged his fists at the wooden door of Sanzo's room ignoring the statement. The only thing standing between him, and knocking some sense into Goku is the door, and he's made his mind.

"Just leave me alone! Please..." A soft voice mumbled from behind the door, "I want to remember"

"Stupid ass monkey!" Another set of bangs on the door, and no reply, he cursed, and then decided to pull a chair and guard the room, "I'm staying here until you decide to open the door," he folded his arms across his chest, _then I'm gonna hit you until you whine about food._

Sanzo and Hakkai left the job of taking care of Goku to Gojyo, while they retreated to Hakkai's room, and decide on their next step.

* * *

Behind the closed door, Goku had curled himself against the blocked door.

He tried to remember how he ended up crying in the middle of the night, and outside his room, in the street no less. He only got glimpses, he remembers waking up, and he remembers the man in the square. He squinted his eyes, as if trying to squeeze out the words that were told to him.

_"Go to Mt. Gogyo, ... is waiting for you" the name, what was the name!?_

He heard it, and he can see his mouth as he repeated it back then, but no sound ever came to his memory, the words died back there.

Tears were already falling down, he was surprised he was able to cry that much. He wondered if this nightmare will ever end.

He remembers when he told Sanzo he wanted to go back, and how Sanzo yelled at him. He said something about they're too far, and they've been ordered to finish the journey and defeat Gyomaouh, then he can go back himself.

_Why?_ He wanted to go, but when the words came out of Sanzo's mouth, _it hurts...I want to stay with Sanzo...why do I want to go? Who's more important than Sanzo?_

Drowning himself in his own misery, he clutched his shirt where his heart was beating fast_..._

_It hurts..._

* * *

"Sanzo, it's only getting worse, now that Goku locked himself up, I'm not sure what do." Hakkai said as he patted Hakuryuu.

"We should leave town, we're already arising suspicions with Goku's recent events,"

"I suppose you're right, but the next town is a two day drive, are you sure you want to go?"

"We leave tomorrow,"

"And Goku?"

"I don't care if he breaks the door down, Gojyo will drag him," taking another drag from his cancer stick.

"Very well," his green eyes turned softly to the little creature that rested on his shoulder, and petted him. A soft 'kyu' escaped, his thoughts drifted to the earlier events. He can't the picture of Goku as he walked toward him and Gojyo. His eyes had lost that golden glow, and only lifeless orbs stared at them. He was a puppet controlled by the mysterious man, or being's thoughts. He keeps looking for a connection between him and Goku, but the little one's past is clouded in mystery, an ageless creature that has the power of the Gods, but he isn't a God nor human...he is an enigma.

* * *

Gojyo was leaning against the door, and has fallen asleep during the night, when Goku slowly opened it, Gojyo's head made contact with the hard wooden floor, "Ow! Damn it!"

Sitting up, he rubbed the hit area, and turned to see Goku with his eyes cast down, "Sorry, about before, I'm really, really so--Ow!" His apology was cut short as Gojyo's fisted hand made contact with his head. "Why? I was saying--"

Now standing up, "Didn't I tell you before, I don't wanna see that look on yer face! Stop apologizing for something that wasn't your fault to begin with!"

Grabbing him by the arm, he dragged him down the stairs, "Now, I'm hungry, and we're getting breakfast!"

"But--" Not getting any chance to object, Goku was dragged to the little restaurant, and was forced to sit with Gojyo and eat. A few minutes later, Sanzo and Hakkai joined. No one mentioned the events of the previous night.

He wondered, why are they still here, why didn't they leave me alone, all I'm doing is causing trouble for everyone, especially Sanzo. His eyes were focused beyond the cracks in the dark wooden table they were gathered around.

"By the way, everyone, we're leaving today," a smile spread on the healer's face.

"Finally, I hated this place!" Gojyo lit a cigarette.

"Because the erro kappa can't find women that will go out with him," Sanzo said as he sipped his tea.

"What's that supposed to mean you frickin' monk!"

"Or clubs to gamble and loose repeatedly" Hakkai provided.

"Damn, not you too Hakkai!"

"Well, the next town is a two day drive, but I hear it's a very lively one," He smiled at Goku, who was lost in thought.

He turned to Sanzo, who only breathed out the cigarette smoke, "Stupid monkey," he was frustrated. The faster they leave town, the better their chances of getting the monkey back to his old self.

After breakfast, they hit the road, and were on their way to the next town.

Goku has already fallen asleep. "Looks like he didn't get any sleep last night, so what's the plan?" Gojyo asked, as he turned to look at the mirror where he met Sanzo's gaze.

"West, no change of plans, if that guy shows up again, we kill him, end of story"

"A very good plan, but let me point this out for you, in case you missed it, your holiness, Goku _can't_ keep going like this!"

"Got a better one, erro kappa?"

"We should've stayed and waited for him to show up, then we kill'im!"

"I doubt that will work, Gojyo, he has some kind of power to manipulate Goku's memories and somehow Goku's actions, the town's people are already aware of his unexplained behavior, what do you tell them?"

"Tch. Fine." He leaned back, and tried to get some shuteye, after all, he didn't sleep very well last night either.

* * *

_06.06.2007_

_Edited 09.07.2008_


	8. Chapter 8

**Standard disclaimer applies.**

**Ratings: **Ratings will vary from one chapter to the other, so on the safe side, I'll keep it at **"T". T for language and violence. **

**Spoilers:** Some chapters will contain spoilers for the manga and/or anime. Be warned. **Gaiden Spoilers.**

**Author's Note: **I apologize for the late update! Thank you to all my readers and reviews. Comments and reviews are always appreciated. **  
**

* * *

**  
Chapter Eight **

During the day, he is searching for the truth, and when the night falls, he is haunted by it. He wants to know how he came to be, and he wants to know about the past. Yet, he is scared of facing the dreams that come haunting him at night, or are they his reality. Too many lies, and only a single truth, but he can't find it. Only one can save him, the man without a name. He has to remember his name so he can call him, and maybe then, just maybe, he will find the peace and happiness he forgot. He no longer feels happiness or joy, only fear and loneliness despite that his friends have kept him company.

In the middle of the night, Goku woke up to find himself on his sleeping bag, which was placed between Sanzo and Gojyo. A little further, he found Hakkai feeding the fire, it was his shift to watch the fire and be aware of any youkai night attacks. He felt trapped, suffocating as if he can't breathe the cool night air that carried the scent of rain.

His heart was tugging inside his chest, forcing him to escape this place and run to the place where there is air, where he can breathe again. With agility and stealth he never knew he had, he escaped, crawling away from the prison he felt trapped in, and into the free forest. Once he felt that no one can hear him, he broke into a run, jumping over ravine, and flying from branch to the other. He had no idea where he was going, but he knew who he will find, the man with shiny golden hair is waiting for him, and this time he will hold his hand and never let go, this time for sure, he will hold on to it because without him, he is lost.

A foreign melody melted in the air, and he knew he's there, somewhere. His jumping feet came to a stop, as the fires before him danced as if trying to reach the dark night sky. A festival, and he knew that he has a memory of a festival in a sacred place so long ago, but no images came with the word, only a feeling. He breathed, and slowly let his feet carry him to the joyful crowd.

The little town was celebrating the descendent of a God hundreds of years ago, and His blessings on them. Of course that was hundreds of years ago, and not all Gods are the same. Little shop stands and stalls filled the streets, lights and music filled the air, and laughter echoed in the air. Women were dancing, old men were reminiscing the old says, while the younger talked about their adventures, and the children played and ate colorful candies and sweets.

He melted into the crowd. And his eyes flew from one face to the other, he can feel him close by, but he can't see him yet. He can't see his hair that shined like the sun. His feet were tired, his brain needed rest, and his body wanted to sleep, but he refused, he kept on searching on willpower alone, it's the only thing which kept him on his feet. _I will find him!_

His word revolved around him, and it still does. His feet almost tripped over a rock and he bumped a man leaning on a stand that served sake, "Watch where yer goin' kid!" he yelled before pushing him into the crowd. He was about to charge at the man, but a golden strand fell before his eyes onto the dusty ground. And just before it hit the dark earth, he eyes went searching for him. Flying into the crowd, and looking here and there, his eyes flying around, like a child who lost his parent and about to cry, and that's when he saw him, the man with golden shiny hair, the man without a name. His heart squeezed at the sight of his back as he walked away.

He rose to his feet, and started following him after seconds of hesitation. He closed his eyes shut trying to bring the memory of his name, or maybe just a sound of that name. But he has no time to waste.

_Is it a dream, or is it really him?_

Throwing that thought, he shook his head and got up on his feet, and started walking after him, trying to catch up with him, but as his steps picked up speed, so did the golden haired man's.

_Wait!_

Still, he kept on moving.

_Wait! What's his name!?_

He must yell louder, his feet were aching, and he will lose him.

"Wait!" came out in a whisper, not loud enough; he was struggling to pass through the crowd.

"Wait! Please!" Slightly louder, he pushed his way between people, "Hey you!" but the man didn't stop.

"STOP!" he yelled.

The loud busy streets became silent, and the scene around him froze, and then the whispers began,

"What's wrong with him?"

"Is he crazy?"

"What's that kid doing here?"

"I didn't see him here before?"

The man with golden shiny hair turned around slowly, and Goku finally saw his face, yet no name, but a nightmare is now facing him.

"Why, Goku? Why did you kill me?"

Falling down on his knees, he clutched his hair on the sides of his head, and a rush of memories from that fateful day came back to him.

Nataku killing himself.

Tenpou fighting to protect them, his sword painted red.

Kenren sacrificing his life to protect them so they can run away.

And there was him….Konzen…Konzen was…was always there, always holding his shaking hand, and telling him everything would be okay. And now, he's dead, they're all dead, and he killed them.

People were surrounding him from a short distance, whispering,

"What is he doing?"

"Is he crazy?"

"Who's he talking to?"

"What's going on?"

Whispers,

_"Murderer!"_

_"Kill him!"_

_"Heretic!"_

_"Punish him!" _

The whispers surrounded him, images from his dreams haunted him, and he can see the blood mingled with golden hair. He fell on his knees, and his hands hit the hard earth, and a scream began the terror, and the nightmare escaped to become a reality.

"Nooo!" tore the silence of the night.

A being not a God nor youkai is born.

* * *

_06.06.2007_

_Edited 01.29.2009_


	9. Chapter 9

**Standard disclaimer applies.**

**Ratings: **Ratings will vary from one chapter to the other, so on the safe side, I'll keep it at **"T". T for language and violence. **

**Spoilers:** Some chapters will contain spoilers for the manga and/or anime. Be warned. **Gaiden Spoilers.**

**Author's Note: **I apologize for the late update! Thank you to all my readers and reviews. Comments and reviews are always appreciated. **  
**

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

Just wanted to say I'm back after3 years to continue this fanfiction, and write more. Thank you for the reviews ^_^, hopefully I've gotten better.

will upload chapter 9 next week !


End file.
